


Hi Youtube! Let’s Go Bug Eds

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Barista! Eddie, Eddie works at Starbucks, Has a real Trashmouth, I Tried, M/M, Memes, Misunderstandings, Richies goes annoy the shit out of him, This is trash, Youtube AU, Youtuve vlogger! Richie, bc he loves him, camera perspective?, humor and angst, modern au ig, no pennywise, only coulrophobia, teenage angst, the kids are teens, warning bc Trashmouth has a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-06 14:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15196727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Richie is a YouTube vlogger Who’s vlogs revolve around bugging Eddie at work. Eddie is just tired and wants to go home.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, What the fuck is up, YouTube?” Richie enthusiastically shouted into the camera. “Welcome to another day in our favorite series: Lets Bug Eddie!”

Richie smiled. “As you all know, my bestest friend, Eddie, is best boy. A 10/10. Some real good shit. He works a shit job at Starbucks!” Richie said as he climbed into his car. “I’ve made it my mission to liven up his life, because I’m just that nice. Here goes.” 

The camera cuts to the inside of a Starbucks. A few people milled about with their coffee while others sat in the shop’s plush chatting. The camera shook as Richie walked it up to the counter where Eddie was fiddling the register. 

“Hi, can I help you-“ Eddie looked up from the register only for his face to twist into a look that screamed “you gotta he fucking kidding me.” 

“Em yes.” Richie said out of shot in the snobbiest voice his could muster. “I must ask you, good sir. Is this the Krusty Krab?” 

Eddie blinked. Then, he slowly put his face in his hands. “Richie, I swear.” He muttered. 

“Ok. Ok. No jokes. You know what I would like to order Eddie?.” Eddie glared at Richie as if to say don’t you fucking dare. Richie smiled. “Some spaghetti!”

Eddie groaned. “Would it kill you to read the fucking menu, Tozier?”

“I don’t need to. I always order my usual.” Richie clapped. “So hop to it, barkeep.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes but went about making Richie’s drink, thankful to get away from the annoying git for a bit.

*********************

The camera showed Eddie and Richie at an low angle. Richie was smiling innocently while Eddie just looked tired. 

“Have you ever tried the cake balls here?” 

Eddie frowned, confused. “Yeah, Why?” 

“I bet you loved putting those balls in your mouth.” Richie smiled. Eddie let out a rough sigh, though the corners of his mouth twitched. 

“Why don’t you go suck an actual dick, Tozier.” Eddie said. He turned away to go start on Richie’s usual order. 

“Only if it’s yours, Eds!” 

*************************

“Richie, what the fuck do you want now?” Eddie groaned. He buried his face in his arms on the counter. 

The camera swished around to show Richie’s smiling face. “I think I’d like to order my heart, because you sure stole it.” 

A shot of Eddie showed him picking up his head. “What?” He asked eyebrow furrowed. 

“No wait.” A hand appeared, holding a heart shaped chocolate. “Here it is.” 

In one fail swoop, Eddie snatched the candy. He ripped off the foil and shoved it in his mouth. 

“Eddie, no!!” 

************************

“Hi, how can I help you?” Eddie’s face quickly dropped the friendly customer service smile into a mix of anger and shock. 

“No, how can I help YOU?” Richie chuckled. 

“Is that my spare uniform?” Eddie said angrily. Richie took that as his queue to run. “Im going to kill you!” 

**********************

The camera showed Richie climbing into his car, laughing, from its place on the car’s dashboard. The guy is practically coated in sugar, his loud Hawaiian shirt and brown curls dropping the stuff all over his car as he moved. 

“Well, today went well.” Richie said. He held up a coffee cup. “Now, let’s see what we got.” He turned the cup around until the word “Trashmouth” showed scrawled in black marker. “Oh look! Eds gave us a fun new nickname!” 

He pulled off the top. “I wonder if he spit in it again.” He looked inside only for his face to light up. 

“Oh my god, he put a dick in my coffee. Look at this.” Richie grabbed the camera and angled it over the cup. In its dark brown liquid, a white foam dick floated about. 

The camera swished back to Richie looking directly at it. “You saw it here, folks. He gave me the D.” Richie looked out his window, putting one hand to his cheek dramatically. “Things are getting serious now. I might have to marry that boy. Make an honest man out of myself.” 

The video made a cut to a more composed Richie smiling at the camera. “Well, that’s all I have for today, YouTube. Tune in next time for Eds and me’s wedding.” Richie winked at the camera before moving to shut it off. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey Youtube! It’s me again.” Richie shouted smiling at the camera in his face. “I’m here with my bestest girl, Bev.”

The shot cut to Beverly. She smiled and waved. “Hey, we’re going to annoy the hell out of Eddie.” 

“Because that’s all we do on this channel.” 

“Because this bitch wants to get in our lil Eds’ pants.” Beverly gave Richie a pointed look. 

Richie sighed. “God, I wish I could.” Richie shook his head. “Damn it, Bev, we’re on a mission. Stay on task.” Beverly just rolled her eyes.

“You owe me for this, Tozier.” 

“Yeah yeah, Marsh.”

The video cut to a shot of the two of them sitting at a table. Beverly kept glancing over her shoulder while Richie was giggling. 

“Richie, shut up!” Beverly hissed at him. She looked over once again. “Ok, he’s not looking. Go!” 

Richie nodded. He stood up and walked a step from their table. Suddenly, he grabbed his chest. He dropped to his knees with a dramatic gargle and collapsed on the ground. 

“Oh my god!” Beverly let out a shriek loud enough to call everyone’s attention. People came running to crowd around. Beverly took the chance to grab the camera and blend into the crowd. 

Eddie jumped at the sudden commotion. “Move!” Eddie jumpef over the counter and shoved himself through the onlookers. “Give me room. I know CPR!” The crowd backed up into a rough circle, allowing Eddie to kneel down by Richie’s side. 

“Richie!” Eddie shook Richie by his shoulders. Eddie’s breaths started to shorten when he got no response. He started lacing his trembling hands over his chest to start compressions.

“Hmm.” Richie groaned. He let his eyes slowly flutter open. 

“Oh shit. Thank god.” Eddie let out a shaking sigh. “What the hell happened?” 

“I think...” Richie croaked out. “My heart stopped...when I laid eyes on you.” 

**********************

“Bev....it hurts!” Richie whined from the passenger seat where he pressing a frozen bag of peas to his eye. 

“What did you think was gonna happen?” Beverly looked around before pulling out of the Walmart parking lot. “That was a shitty thing to do to him.” 

“Well where were you twenty minutes ago with that bit of wisdom, o wise one?”

“If I had told you “No, Richie. That’s a stupid thing to do.”, what exactly what you have done?” Beverly quipped.Richie wanted to deny it, but Beverly gave him a pointed look, shutting it down

So, Richie huffed instead. “Well, you were in on it, too!”

“Yes, and I plan on apologizing as you should, too.” 

He just let out a rough sigh, frowning as his bruising eye throbbed in pain.

************************

Richie waited as the surprisingly long line, camera pointed dutifully ahead. One by one, Richie crawled closer to the counter. 

“Welcome to-“ Eddie shut his mouth when he saw Richie, only giving him a dead look.

“Eddie! I have something beary important- Hey!” Eddie started walking farther down the counter without a word. “Eddie!” Richie followed on his side of the counter, shouting at him, until he disappeared into through a door marked employees only. 

Richie waited, but the only person to pop back out was a blonde girl who took Eddie’s place. 

Richie spun the camera around, revealing himself to be in teddy bear ears and makeup. He sighed. “On to plan B, I guess.” He crumpled up the “beary sorry” note he had and stomped out of Starbucks. 

***********************

Richie waited until six when Eddie got off of work. Then, he drove over to his house and started banging on the door like a maniac. 

He stopped when he heard loud footsteps from inside. The door opened. 

“Oh, Hello Richie.” Sonja answered, giving Richie a not too friendly look. 

“Hi Mrs. K!” Richie hit her with his most charming smile. “Is Eddie-“ 

“My little Eddie doesn’t wish to see you now.” Sonja said, now outright glaring at him. She proceeded to slam the door in his face. 

Ok then. Richie ran around to the east side of the house where Eddie’s bedroom window was lit up upstairs.

“Eddie!” He got no response. Richie frowned. “Eddie bear, don’t ignore me!” Still, no response. Richie huffed. He looked around, thinking.

He found a mound of small rocks lining the bottom of Sonja’s fancy bird bath. That gave Richie an idea. 

He grabbed a rock and threw it at His window. It bounced off with a small clink. “Eds!” 

No response. He threw another rock. “Eddie, please listen!” 

Yet again, no response. 

Richie growled. “Well, fuck you, too!” He grabbed a handful of rocks and hurled them at the window. 

Most of them missed their mark, bouncing harmlessly off the house’s side. However, four or five smashed against the glass hard, leaving a nasty crack that even Richie could see from downstairs. 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck!” Rick cursed, panicking. He could hear a surprised voice shouting inside.

In his panic, he decided to bolt. He didn’t even bother with his car. He just ran down the street as fast as he could.

***********************

“Listen up, you little shits.” Richie said, glaring up at where he held up his camera. “A lot of you have been commenting on my recent Eddie vlog, calling me an asshole for that prank.” 

Any anger Richie had bled away. He let himself fall back onto his bed. “Well, I sure as fuck am! And, I have no idea what to do about it!” He announced. 

“I tried everything to get him to talk to me. I even texted him minion memes and nothing!” Richie sighed. “I guess Eddie just fucking hates me.” 

Richie looked at the camera. “Comment if you guys have an idea. See you next time .”

Richie shut off the camera and stared up at the ceiling, feeling the angst set in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so   
> I was gonna finish up this plot bunny this chapter but it was getting kind of long so I cut it here 
> 
> Also I imagine this fic will be a lot like the first chapter with random crack and it’ll hav plot bunnies like this sprinkled in 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comment your thoughts and leave kudos if you liked hmu at my tumblr AnonymouslyDead if you wanna chat


	3. Chapter 3

Richie groaned into the couch for the millionth time that day. He heard a knock on the door a feet from him, but he chose instead to sink deeper into the leather cushions.

“Seriously, Richie?” Mrs. Tozier chided as she walked by towards the door. 

“Oh, Hi Stanley.” She smiled and opened the door further. Richie sat up, curious. Stan walked in returning the smile until Mrs. Tozier walked away. Then, his smile dropped into an annoyed look. 

“What the hell did you?” Stan asked. Richie flopped back down, letting out yet another groan. 

Stan rolled his eyes. “Whatever you did has got Eddie pissed.” 

“I know.” Richie whined muffled by the cushion in his face. “I don’t know how to fix this though.” 

“Have you tried not being an asshole?” Without looking, Richie flipped him off. “You see? This is probably why he hates you.” 

“He hates me?” Richie raised his head to ask, surprising himself with how much hurt leaked into his voice. 

“No, he’s just really really angry at you.” Stan said. “He wouldn’t stop bitching about you when we were at the arcade-“ 

“Wait, you all went to the arcade without me?” Richie cut in.

“You wouldn’t answer your phone. We thought you died or something.” 

“Well as you can see, I am not dead. Please leave me to bask in my own folly.” Richie rolled over so his back was to Stan, thinking Stan would get the memo. 

He didn’t, however. He sat in one of the living room’s plush chairs and started texting away. The annoying tick tick tick sounded every few minutes along with the occasional generic text tone. 

After a few minutes, Richie grunted. “Trying to stew in misery over here.” 

Stan gave him a dirty look. “Do you want this solved or not?” 

Richie bolted upright. “Keep talking.” 

“I’ve got a plan.” Stan sent off one last text before getting up. “But, we’ll have to go out into the woods.” 

“What? How is that gonna-“

“Just shut up and come on.” 

*************************

“You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?” Richie stated as he looked around at his tree spotted surroundings. It was far enough from Derry that there was little chance anyone could hear him scream. 

“I’m going to if you don’t shut up already. We’re almost there anyway.” 

Richie frowned,but he walked on through the familiar woods. Memories flooded Richie’s mind of all the times he had horsed around in these woods as a child with their little Loser’s club. They spent so much time in these woods that it felt like a second home- 

Except for the area they were headed for. A trickle of childish fear crept up Richie’s spine. 

The area around them suddenly twisted like dream turned nightmare. The trees around them spaced out, giving way to an eerie clearing. The ground was littered with fallen branches and twigs. Occasionally, Richie would step on one, and the resulting snap would give Richie a heart attack. 

As they walked closer to their goal, the ground grew muddier. The occasional puddle appeared. The air began to reek with the distinct smell of human shit.

Then suddenly, the sewer pipe jumped into view like specter. It’s monotone grey side sat dead still, nearly blending into its surroundings with its dull color. 

Another spark of fear hit Richie at the sight. Old rumors about the sewer pipe, ones he hadn’t heard since he was nine, about a child eating monster living inside sprang to mind. He never believed any of them, of course but, that didn’t make him anymore eager to be here. 

“What the hell?” Richie asked. No response. “Stan?” He looked around, but there was no Stan. “Stan!” 

Still, no answer. Richie growled. “Stan, you asshole!” He stomped off the way he came, going off to find Stan and give him a piece of his mind. 

A bike horn squeaked, echoing like a gunshot in the forest’s oppressive silence. Richie halted with a spike a fear. What the hell? 

Richie looked around, but he saw no probable source for the sound. He reluctantly shrugged it off. 

He heard a twig snapped behind him, sending yet another shock of fear through him. He twisted around. This time, he caught a glimpse of movement behind a near tree. 

Richie froze, staring at said tree. “Stan?” He asked, though he knew in his gut that it wasn’t. 

He saw a gloved hand creep around the tree trunk. Big, fire truck red hair peeked out from behind and then a freaky grease painted face. 

Oh. 

Oh, hell no. Heart hammering, Richie spun around and took off running. 

Heavy footsteps stomped behind him, spurning Richie to run faster. His breath came shorter and shorter. Everything seemed to bleed together. 

“Richie.” The clown hissed, sounding impossibly close. It grabbed ahold of Richie’s shirt. Richie was yanked backwards. He was thrown off balance and hit the ground with a scream. 

“Richie.” 

Richie tried to climb to his feet, but his nerves made it impossible to coordinate his limbs. The best he could do was scuttle away. 

The clown stalked closer. It tried to lay a hand on him. Richie slapped it away. He kicked at it, too, for good measure. 

The clown toppled over and fell right on top of Richie. “Damnit Richie!” The clown cursed. 

Wait, Richie knew that voice. “Eddie?!” 

The clown groaned and sat up on top of Richie. It’s puffy red hair had fallen off to Richie’s side, revealing Eddie’s hair. If Richie looked closer, Richie could recognize Eddie through the paint. 

“Eddie! What the hell? You scared me half to death!” 

“Well now, you know how it feels, asshole!” Eddie yelled, his face paint doing nothing to hide how angry he looked. 

Richie blinked. “So, this was all-“ 

“You know I hate that kind of shit. You know my dad-“ Eddie’s breath hitched. “Jesus man, I thought you were dying.” 

Richie let out an uncomfortable chuckle. “Oh, man. It would take a lot more than a heart attack to kill me. I’ll probably die on your-“ 

“Would you be serious for once?!” Eddie snapped though the bite was lost when his breath cracked halfway through. His shoulders hitched, and then Richie noticed the tears. 

Richie reached up and wiped them away with his thumb on reflex. He ended up smearing icky greasepaint on his fingers, but he didn’t care at the moment. 

“Eds, I’m really really sorry for my asshole prank.” Richie tried. “If I had known it would upset you so bad, I would have never done it, and I promise I’ll never do something like that again. Please talk to me again.” 

Eddie didn’t response. He had a gloved hand over the top of his face, so Richie couldn’t read his expression. His breath visibly grew more ragged with the occasional worrying noise.

“Are you okay?” Richie asked, concerned. 

Eddie took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Are we good then?” 

Eddie nodded again.

“Then, could you get off of me? Not that I mind you on top, but I’m not exactly...down to clown.” Richie cracked a cheeky smile. 

Eddie looked down as if he just realized their position and jumped to get off of him. Richie’s smile dropped. Did he fuck up again? 

Richie climbed to his feet, feeling like an awkward mess. He felt like he should apologize all over again. 

He was about to when a twig snapped behind them. The two whirled around. 

Stan appeared out from behind a tree smiling with a camera in hand. “I take it you two idiots worked out your tiff?” 

“There you are, jackass!” Richie called. He glared when he caught sight of the camera. Stan only gave a smirk in response before running off. “Stanley Uris!” 

Richie took off running after Stan with Eddie close behind. 

*************************

The video of Richie’s clown attack ended up on Stan’s Youtube channel. While Stan didn’t post regularly enough to gain a large following, somehow Richie’s modest fan base flocked to the video. 

The video gained a few thousand views in a week. And in that week, Richie had to deal with people spamming him about clowns. 

Richie shivered. He was going to murder Uris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Eddie planned a revenge prank on Richie and Stan went along with its it to watch Richie’s reaction 
> 
> This got a lot more angst and drama than I meant for it to have sorry if you came for YouTube crack I’m probably gonna run with this plot then post a bit more crack 
> 
> Also I’m not 100% sure this how I wanna roll with this fic so there may be edits idk 
> 
> Also I wanna thank everyone for all the lovely comments I’ve been getting! I really appreciate the feedback! You guys are great and it makes me happy! ^u^


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie handed off the third Frappuccino in a row when Richie and Bill walked up in line. Eddie sighed. “What is it today?”

“Just the usual, Eds.” Richie smiled. 

“A-A-and a b-blueberry muffin.” Bill managed to say. Eddie nodded and went about filling that order. The entire time Eddie kept his guard up, waiting for Richie to do something. 

Yet, Eddie was able to present them their two drinks and the muffin without any disruptions. The two paid for their orders. 

Eddie was confused until he caught Richie’s hand pulling away from the tip jar as they left. Aha! 

When the two left, Eddie gingerly went look, expecting something nasty inside. Only, there was nothing but wrinkled bills and change. 

Eddie dug around, looking for something when he found a wad of green. Eddie pulled it out, frowning. It was what looked like two dollars folded and taped into a rough star. 

“Excuse me!?” Eddie’s head snapped up, spotting the impatient looking customer glaring at him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Eddie dropped the two dollar star back into the jar and went back to work. 

***********************

Richie continued to do this for days, and it was driving Eddie crazy. Every day, Eddie found some new origami in the jar. They started as simple things like a ring made a six dollars. Then as the days passed on they got more intricate like a tiny dinosaur. 

By the end of the week, Eddie had amassed fifty bucks from Richie, and he still didn’t know what the fuck was up. It was unnerving. Eddie kept waiting for some kind of punchline when Richie walked in, yet it didn’t come.

So when their entire friend group walked in towards the end of his shift, Eddie braced himself for the punchline. 

Instead, Mike ran up to the counter excited. “Eddie, we’re going to the movies!” 

“What? Why?” 

“There’s a new Marvel movie out. We’re all going later.” Mike smiled. 

“Oh.” Eddie nodded. Mike walked back to their waiting group smiling. Eddie’s shift ended soon enough, and he went join them, too. 

They went about their familiar route. It was almost a tradition now. Every time a new Marvel movie came out, Mike, being their resident comic book expert, would drag them out to see it until the movies grew on their group. 

They all piled into Ben’s big old “mom van” as they affectionately dubbed as it was the only one of their vehicles that could fit all of them. Beverly and Ben sat upfront where they could lowkey flirt. Stan and Bill squished into the middle row with Mike and provoked yet other comic lore rant between them. That left Richie and Eddie to the backseat. 

Though, that didn’t stop Richie from leaning over their seat. He played with his glasses and put on a nasally voice. “Actually, all of your opinions are wrong. Because, all of your heroes are nothing compared to the might of my meat-“ 

“Richie!” The three shouted. Bill shoved Richie away. Richie fell back dramatically, chuckling. 

Eddie let out a chuckle, too. This lead Richie to silence immediately and stare at him. 

“What?” Eddie frowned. 

Richie shook his head smiling. “Cute cute cute.” He said, just loud enough for Eddie to hear. Eddie blushed, a mix of butterflies and anxiety shocking his system.

Richie was definitely up to something. Eddie decided. 

****************************

“Richie, come on!” Eddie whined. 

“Oh, keep your pants on.” Richie snapped, turning his pockets inside out for the third time. The ticket attendant was starting to glare daggers at them when Richie finally shrugged in defeat. 

“I’m fucking broke. Looks like you all will have to go on without me.” Richie sighed. 

Eddie groaned, knowing full well why that was. “Move.” He shoved Richie aside and shoved a twenty dollar bill at the ticket attendant. Soon enough, Eddie dragged Richie inside with their tickets. 

“Wow. Such a gentleman.” Richie said drily. 

“Shut up.” Eddie dragged him towards the concession line where their friends were waiting. 

Eddie ended up buying Richie popcorn too, but the whole movie proceeded like normal. Richie and he trash talked the movie while people shushed them repeatedly. 

That only set Eddie more on edge though. 

************************

When Eddie’s shift finally ended, he walked over to his table of friends and plopped down, groaning. “I can’t take this anymore.” 

“What? Starbucks?” Ben asked. 

Bill rolled his eyes. “Let me g-guess.” 

“It’s totally Richie again.” Beverly nodded. 

“Fuck you guys. He’s been acting weird, and it’s freaking me out.” 

“W-when i-isn’t he acting weird though?” Bill asked. 

“He is though!” Eddie whined, throwing his hands up. “He gave me all of his money tipping me. Then when I forced him to take his money back, he just comes back here almost everyday, but he doesn’t pull any of usual stunts!” 

Ben tilted his head. “How’s that a bad thing? Weren’t you complaining about that a few weeks ago.” 

“Yeah, but he’s planning something! I know it!” Eddie yelled frantically in Ben’s face. A few people turned to stare at him. Eddie hid his face behind his hand in embarrassment. 

“H-how’s that?” 

“I don’t know. He just-He’s been calling me things...” Eddie reddened. He tried to bury his . “Like cute and shit.” He rushed to spit out. “I think he’s trying to soften me up, so I won’t pummel him for his dumb jokes.” 

He heard nothing after a minute. Eddie looked at them. Bill had his hand slapped against his face. Ben looked enlightened. And irritatingly enough, Beverly’s face was scrunched up like she was holding back laughter. 

“What?!” Eddie snapped. 

“You’re not r-really this d-dumb, are you?” Bill slumped over the table like he just gave up all hope. 

“What?!” 

“Oh, I get it. Richie likes you.” Ben said. 

“WHAT?” Eddie said louder than he meant to. He started getting dirty looks from patrons around them. “No. No, he doesn’t.” He lowered his voice.

“Honey. Honey.” Beverly gave him an irritating pity look. “Why else would he be flirting with you like that?” 

“No, it’s not like that. I mean...it’s not like he means it. It’s all a part of the joke right?” Eddie’s voice dropped halfway through, a touch of sadness creeping upon him. 

This time, all three of them slammed their palms onto their face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Richie is such a lil shit that Eddie takes nothing he says seriously lol
> 
> It’s been awhile since I’ve read the book but I vaguely remember Mike being a comic fan. Hence his bit.
> 
> Idk if I’m happy with this but I’m tired so that’s all for now lads


	5. Chapter 5

"Ok, watch th-this th-then." Bill said. He shoved his phone into Eddie's face pointedly for the fifth time. Eddie snatched the device away from him and looked at it.

The video was titled Richie's Q&A Livestream Highlights. "Ok, next question!" Richie shouted into the camera. He looked at a slow stream of comments,shown on the side of the screen. Gamergate1000 asks..." Richie blinked, silent for a second. "Who is the Ed you keep talking about?" 

Richie sighed before leveling a dead stare at the camera. He folded his hands against his mouth and then pointed them forward. "Boi, you must be new here. Who is Eds? Who THE HELL is Eds?" Richie stood up from the chair he was sitting in while pointing at the camera. "You're going to learn." 

"Why are you making me watch this?" Eddie sighed. 

Richie cut back into the shot, holding a picture of the Loser's Club. He pointed at Eddie. "This cute little fucker is Edward Kaspbrak. He is best boy. A total snack. 100% love of my life. How many times do I have to say it?"

Bill gestured wildly at the phone, the perfect image of a crazy conspirator. Eddie blushed at the admission. Those pesky butterflies in his stomach started to act up again. 

Yet despite that, Eddie couldn't help but be skeptical. He sighed. "I don't know, Bill. What if it's an act for the camera? Like a gag or something?" 

Bill threw his hands up in defeat. "He's hopeless." 

Beverly put down a mini figure while Ben continued to build an impressive Lego castle on his floor. "Ok, look." She walked over to Eddie and grabbed his shoulders. She gave him a pained look. "Do you even realize?" 

Eddie leaned away from her. "Realized what?" 

"The internet i-isn't the only p-ppoor bastard." Bill said. "W-we have to l-listen to hi-im go off about y-you too."

"Remember that one time we went to McDonald's without Eddie?" Ben cut in. 

"Oh my god." Bill groaned. "He would not shut up."

"Wait, didn't Stan record that?" Beverly asked. Bill's eyes widened, and he snatched his phone back. After a minute of scrolling, Bill let out an excited hum. 

"Oh, let us see!" Beverly said. After a bit of shuffling, the three were watching the small screen. 

The video played. Stan greeted the camera before spinning the camera around to show the rest of their friends. 

"I wanna see my boy!" Richie shouted. Stan groaned and swung the camera onto Ben. "I wanna see my boy!" 

"Richie, s-shut up!" Bill smacked his arm. 

"Where's Eddie?" Richie whined. 

"We already told you he's not coming." Stan said. Richie groaned. 

The rest of the video was just Richie whining about Eddie loudly while the rest of their friends grew more and more done. He continued to do so as they walked to the McDonald's, placed their orders, and started eating. Around them, customers were giving them dirty looks. 

"Richie, shut the fuck up!"

"But I wanna see my boy." Richie whined. 

"For the love of God, Eddie's working today." Beverly groaned. 

"But I love him and I wanna see him-" 

"Alright, fine!" Stan jumped up, slamming his hands on the table. The rest of their group jumped. Stan scooped up his half eaten burger and went dump it at the trash can. He looked back at the group with a pissed off look. He gestured as if to say well?

The rest of the group groaned, shuffling to take care of their remaining food except for Richie. Richie looked like a kid at Christmas with a goofy smile and jittery excitement. And he continued to look like that even when Stan dragged him into Starbucks by his shirt collar. 

Eddie remembered that part at least. Stan dragged Richie's butt up to the counter before declaring him Eddie's problem now followed by the first of Richie's many cheesy joke pick up lines. At the time, Eddie had wondered if his friends had gone insane without him. And apparently, that's true. 

"Is he always like this?" Eddie asked. 

"Tip of the iceberg." Ben chimed in while placing the top on his castle's tower. 

"Shit." was all Eddie could answer. He felt numb as he tried to process this new information. "Why didn't you guys tell me this sooner?" 

"W-we didn't th-think you were this cluel-ess." Bill said. Eddie just flipped him off as he stood up. He walked out of Ben's room still feeling numb. 

He walked straight past Mrs. Hanscom and out the front door. The chilly evening air nipped at him as he walked out onto the sidewalk. The sun was quickly disappearing into the horizon. Soon, he wouldn't be able to see where the hell he was going. 

But still, he walked down the street, trying to think things over. He managed to thing cohersively for awhile, letting his feet guide him on autopilot. 

And then, he realized his feet had brought him to Richie's house on reflex. Because of course, they would. 

The rational part of Eddie told him that this was the last place he should be, all things considered. Your best friend having a major crush on you that he blantantly announces to everyone but you is something he should probably take some time to think about. 

But then again, he had been having a major crush on Richie since forever. So, screw rationalism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late compared to the other chapters!! I've been either busy or lazy lately. The whole reason I was keeping my chapter lengths to around 800 words was to get this finished faster but I guess that's not gonna work lol 
> 
> but yeah Richie is dramatic Eddie is skeptical and the losers club is done so same old same old 
> 
> Idk if I'm happy with this chapter guess ill find out later I may come back and fix some things if my writing horrifies me 
> 
> and as always, thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

A loud pop and the glittering sound of shattering glass gave a zoned out Richie an early heart attack. His head snapped towards the sound as he literally rolled out of bed, finding his window had spontaneously exploded.

“Richie, what the hell was that?” Mrs. Tozier yelled from downstairs.

“Nothing, Mom!” He yelled on reflex. Thankfully, his mother didn’t feel it necessary to investigate.

Richie, however, sidestepped the glass as best he could and looked around. He found a sizable rock sitting on the far side of his room along with a few stray shards of glass. 

“What the fuck?” Richie went look out his now broken window, expecting to see Henry and his friends being douches. 

Instead, he smacked his head against something that popped up. Richie let out a surprised scream, reeling back as he grabbed his aching forehead.

Outside, he heard scuffling against the side of the the house along with a scared yelp. And, he’s know that scared yelp anywhere.

“Eddie!” Richie yanked open his window. Eddie was dangling off the side of his house. The only thing that kept his from falling was his death grip on the vines growing up the side of Richie’s house.

“Oh shitshitshit.” Richie grabbed a hold of Eddie and hauled his ass inside his room. When Eddie wasn’t in danger of smashing into the ground, Richie smacked his arm. “What the hell was that, Eds?”

“You’re an idiot!” Eddie declared. He grabbed Richie’s shirt collar and yanked down-

Except, Richie stayed standing up. He gave Eddie a confused look. “Scrunch down some!” Eddie whined.

“Why?” Richie asked with a smug smile. He leaned over till he was face to face with Eddie. “Want me to get down on you level, short-“

Richie stopped dead when Eddie put a hand on his cheek. He felt his face head up as the soft fingers slid to hook around his jaw and pull him forward gently. Richie complied, heart hammering harder in his chest.

In a second, Eddie crashed their lips together. And in another second, they broke apart.

Richie smiled. “It’s about fucking time.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “It’s your own fault. You should’ve said something.”

“Oh Eddie bear. Honey. Sweetie. My Love.” Richie said each with more exaggerated tone. “I wasn’t exactly subtle.” Richie ran a hand through Eddie’s hair. “Lucky you that I have a thing for dumb brunettes.” He teased with a fond smile.

“Shut the fuck up, Trashmouth.”

“Why don’t you make me?”

Then, they were kissing again.

****************************

“So what now?” Richie asked, red and panting after their fit of kissing.

“I don’t know...” Eddie huffed out. “Date me?”

Richie just nodded, trying to catch his breath. After a minute, Richie gave him a smile, one that made Eddie worry he would regret his choices.

“I’m going to sweep you off your feet, Kaspbrak.”

*************************

Eddie was left in the dark for about three days. Then, he received a text telling him to get his ass to his house at 7.

Eddie was all ready to go by 6:45, but he was stuck in front of the mirror, nervously fiddling with his hair. There was one pesky strand of hair that wouldn’t stray down with the rest of his hair. Then, he found a wrinkle in his polo shirt and decided to change.

By the time he finished changing, it was 6:56. While Richie’s house was a short walk away, Richie would probably kill him if he turned up late. He needed to quit stalling and get going.

He steeled himself and started marching towards the door.

“Oh Eddie!” Eddie heard Mrs Kaspbrak squeal. Shit, he forgot about his mother. Eddie inwardly groaned as she walked up to him. “My handsome little boy!” Then, she frowned. “Where are you going so late like this?”

“...I’m just going to Richie’s.” Eddie said. Much to his dismay, Sonia frowned.

“Do you lie to your mother. You’re going to meet some hussy, aren’t you?”

"Mom!"Eddie groaned, reddening. Of all the answers she could give.

"I knew it. I knew it! Some vixen's seduced my poor boy. It's that trashy Marsh girl, isn't it?"

"Don't talk about Beverly like that!" Eddie was quick to defend her. He regreted it the second it left his mouth.

"I knew it! A mother knows these things." She shook her head. "I should have never let you hang out with her from the start. Well, no son of mine is going to get hurt by such cheap trash." She gave him a sympathetic look. "Oh, my poor boy. Come here." 

Eddie got swept up his his mother's tight embrace. He fought against her big arms. "Mom, I have to go!" 

"Hush, son. My poor boy." Sonia moved one arm to pat her son's back, giving Eddie a chance to break away. "Sorry, mom!" He made for the door. 

"Eddie!" She whined. Eddie could practically hear the crocodile tears starting to form. Eddie had to push away the overwhelming wave of guilt he felt. 

"Bye, mom!" And with that, he was out, running for Richie's house. 

Richie opened the door as soon as he walked up. Eddie perked up a bit at the thought of Richie looking out the window, eagerly waiting for him. 

"About time, Eds. I thought-What's wrong?" Richie's cheeky smile dropped to a concerned look. Mrs. Kaspbrak had toussled the shirt and hair he worked hard on. 

A wave of frustration, anger, and sadness hit him. He didn't know whether to call the date as already ruined, curse out his mother, or to just cry. Because, his mother always does this. 

"Hey. Hey Eds." Richie said softly. Suddenly, Richie was leading him inside and sitting him down. Richie kept his hand on his back, rubbing circles into his back. "Come on, Eddie. Breathe."

Suddenly, Eddie found it really hard to breathe. He worked to slow his breathing. 

"There you go, Eds." Richie patted Eddie's shoulder. Now that Eddie wasn't breaking down, he noticed all the weird colored lights. 

"Richie, what is this?"

Richie splayed his arms. "Welcome to Chez Tozier." He said with a bad French accent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger I broke my phone screen in the middle of writing this so that sucked and I just wanna wrap up writing for now Ill try to get the next half up soon 
> 
> so yeah this is some angst I meant to end this fic with a chapter like the first some fluffy skit shit but this got hecking out of hand we're going for the first date at least lads


	7. Chapter 7

A ton of Christmas lights were strung all over the living room, casting the room in a colorful glow. On the floor in front of the couch, the coffee table that was usually there was pushed to the side and was replaced by a strange picnic setup. There was a ceramic plate and a set of silverware on each side with a bulging picnic basket in between them.

"...wow." Eddie let out, not sure what to make of it. 

"Like what you see?" Richie leaned against the couch, smiling. He looked exactly how he usually looked with his usual obnoxious hawaiian shirt and ripped tshirt under it. His black curls were as messy as usual. The only difference was that he had a messy black bowtie on he must've dug out of his dad's closet. Eddie reached out to straight up the tie, chuckling at how obsured it looked on his. 

"Damn, Eds. First date and you already can't keep your hands off me." He tutted while shaking his head. "What would your mother think?" 

Eddie frowned, remembering how his mother acted just minutes ago. Man, going home after that was going to suck. 

"Well anyway!" Richie said a bit too loudly. He slid off the couch and sat at the far side of the set up. Eddie followed suit. 

Richie opened the picnic basket. He grabbed something and tried to pull it out. It didn't seem to bunch though. Richie cursed, struggling to yank something out. Eddie was about to ask if he needed help, but Richie managed to pull out a whole pot from the basket. 

"Ta da!" Richie smiled proudly. He grabbed a spoon off of the blanket and started pouring out-

Eddie groaned at the sight of spaghetti all while trying to keep a smile off of his face. This only caused Richie to smile wider. 

"How'd you even set all this up? Won't your parents get mad?" Eddie asked as Richie put spaghetti in his plate. Richie shrugged. 

"My parents left for a few days. They won't know what happened by the time they get home." 

Eddie nodded. He took his plate and fork and started scooping up some spaghetti. He took a bit only to spit it out on reflex. Likewise, Eddie heard Richie gagging. 

"Damn it." Richie frowned. "It's ice cold." Richie scooped up both their plates. With a frustrated huff, he stomped off to the kitchen. When Eddie caught up with him, he somehow managed to cram both in the mircowave. 

The kitchen was just like the living room, Eddie noted. There were rainbow Christmas lights strung up and across every available space.

"Where did all these lights come from?"

" i borrowed them from the lady next door. Apparently, she went nuts a while back and bought a crap ton these things." The microwave went off. Richie opened it up while still looking at Eddie. "She thought like it would bring back her lost son or-Holy fuck!" 

The plates he had grabbed at tumbled down and smashed into the floor. Richie cursed as he clutched his hands. Eddie jumped, launching into panic mode. Eddie forced Richie over to the sink and ran his hands under cool water. 

Richie cursed louder, but he slowly relaxed after a while. He cautiously took his hands out of the water, flexing them. Richie sighed. "Thanks, Eds."

"Well, that was a bust." Eddie said. 

"No kidding." Richie said. "I guess we could heat it up on the stove." 

"I've got it." Eddie went get the pot and put it on the stove only to hesitate.

"What?"

"I've never actually worked a stove." Eddie admitted. Richie looked at him like he was crazy. "My mom never let me near the stove! She is terrified I'd burn myself or something." 

Richie nodded, placing himself in front of the stove. "Never fear, Eds. I'm here." He snapped on the stove, causing blue flames to flick up from the stovetop.

"Umm..."

"Hush, Eds. I've got this." 

***************************************

All of a sudden, the kitchen filled with smoke. Eddie fell into a coughing fit while Richie cursed loudly. He started fidgeting in a panic before grabbing the pot and running outside. 

A few minutes later, the smoke cleared up. Richie walked back in, looking defeated. Eddie gave him a pat on the shoulder. 

"I know just what to do." Eddie said, pulling out his phone. 

***********************************************************

A half hour later, they were sitting on the floor with a large pepperoni pizza. The only light came from the television, currently on a cheesy 80s horror movie. They had cleared away most of the string lights except for a few to make the room dim.

They had shoved the picnic set up aside in favor of wrapping themselves up in the blanket. They sat side by side, munching on pizza and ripping apart the movie. 

"Ewww." Eddie cringed as a supporting actress had her arm cut off by a chainsaw wielding maniac. The cheap effects were obviously fake, but that didn't stop the shiver that went down Eddie's spine. 

Richie, however, was strangely silent. He was staring at the television with a pensive look like it did him wrong. 

Eddie bumped his shoulder. "What's up?" 

"Hmm?" Richie blinked. "Nothing." 

"Bull. What's wrong?" 

Richie looked like he wanted to argue. Then, he made a weird face followed by some nervous hand gestures. Then, he just sighed. "I'm sorry." 

Eddie frowned. "For?"

"This crummy date." Richie said, gesturing wildly. "It just kind of hit me how stupid this was. Like, I almost set the house on fire, and then, we had to deal with all these damn lights. Why the hell did I even think they were a good idea? They barely even work." At that, the string lights blinked a few times before working properly again. "I don't even what I was thinking. An indoor picnic? What the fuck even-"

"Richie." Eddie interupted. "Are you nervous?"

"What? No. No, I'm not." He shook his head no. But then, he switched to yes. "I'm very nervous. I just wanted it to be perfect." 

Eddie gave an amused huff. "Dude, chill. It's been great." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, cause you're here." Eddie said, leaning his head against Richie's shoulder as if to reinforce his point.

Richie let out a chuckle, though Eddie could see him blushing in the television light. "Eddie, that's gay." 

Eddie rolled his eyes. "You're lucky you're cute cute cute." He grumbled mockingly. Richie gave a soft smile at the reference. 

Then, he proceeded to give the chainsaw maniac a British accent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may be crap idk its midnight I may change it later but at least I tried 
> 
> I'm gonna wrap this up with a chapter like the first and thatll be all she wrote lads thanks for reading my dudes


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, I've got a question for you nerds!" Richie said to loudly. Around him, innocent Starbucks patrons glared at him as he plopped down in free seat. The rest of the Loser's Club stared at him questioningly.

"What goes best with-" He dug a mask out of his pocket as he talked. He took off his glasses and put it on. "Deadpool?" 

"Where'd you get the mask?" Mike was quick to ask. Richie handed him one without a word. Mike eagerly put it on, revealing to everyone it was a Wolverine mask. 

"More importantly." Stan gave him a look. "What's your game?" 

"What ever do you mean, Stanny boy?" Richie said. He gave Stan a mocking innocent look. It just made Stan glare harder.

"Hey." Eddie sighed as he walked up to them. "You guys would not believe the day I've had." With that, Richie pounced. He was quick to force a mask over his head. 

He presented Eddie to the rest of the group. "A Spider-Man!" 

Eddie rolled up the bottom of his mask just to sigh. "Why did I agree to this again?" 

"Cause you love me." Richie said, though it was muffled. He pulled Eddie closer and nuzzled his check. Eddie laughed. 

"Quit it. That tickles." Eddie gave him a playful shove. 

"But I love when you laugh!" Richie said. Though he wore a mask, it was easy to tell he was smiling. 

"Ummm-" Ben cut in. 

"We're still here, assholes." Bill managed to say. Richie flipped him off. 

"What...the fuck?" Stan asked, mildly confused. 

"Me and Rich are dating now."

"Oh. About damn time." Stan said. 

A second passed as the group processed this. Then, Bill gave a slow clap shaking his head. Beverly just sat and looked very pleased with herself. Only Mike and Ben had the decency to give them a happy congratulations. 

****************************************************************

"Attention, all of Youtube!” Richie announced to the camera he held up above him while he was sprawled out on his bed. “I’m now a taken man! Sorry to all my adoring fans, but it was a matter of time before my raw sexual energy ensnared best-“

“That’s it. I’m leaving you.” Eddie deadpanned next to him. He sat up.

“No, you love me!” Richie hooked his free hand around Eddie’s waist and pulled him back down by him. “Eddie loves me. Eddie loves me.” He sang teased to the camera.

Eddie let himself be pulled into Richie. Then, he wrapped his arms and legs around Richie. “That just means your stuck with me.”

Richie laughed. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Richie turned the camera off. He tried to get up, but he couldn’t move. “Eddie? Let me up.”

“No, you’re stuck here. With me.” Eddie said, burying his face into Richie’s chest.

Richie gave a rough sigh. “Your bony ass better not crush my camera.” He said. He carefully laid his camera on the side of Eddie. And then, he proceeded to cuddle the shit out of Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I lied its not like the first chapter I just wanted to finish this tbh before I forget and leave it to rot Hopefully this ties it up nicely Otherwise I may come and fix it if I cringe too hard later 
> 
> SO ANYWAY I seriously hecking appreciate all the positive feedback I got on this fic Thanks a bunch you guys! Without yall I may not have finished this shit. SO know, I appreciate yall
> 
> See yall on another fic lads!


End file.
